After Death
by JellyMcweevil
Summary: What happens to Light? There's no Heaven or Hell.


After Death

The realisation hits me like a ton of bricks. It hurts even more than the agonizing pain in my arm and chest. I am a monster, and there is nothing I can do to change it.

As my eyes slip closed, I have only one wish. My dying wish. That I see Ryuuzaki just one more time . . .

There's a white brightness all around me, blinding. A whooshing sound erupts in my ears, like wind through a tunnel. I blink a few times, adjusting to the white. On my heel, I do a full twirl to take in my surroundings. There has to be colour somewhere . . . Nope. The area is overflowing white.

I sigh melancholy, and look up. "Ryuuzaki . . ." I whisper. My eyes close as I bite back tears.

Then suddenly, a very familiar voice shakes me from my shattered state.

"Hey!"

I gasp in a rush of surprise and overwhelming eagerness. My eyes burst open and stood in front of me is the one person in the whole entire universe that I want to see. Ryuuzaki.

Without even thinking, I wrap my arms around him, too shocked to do anything else. But he stands still in my firm friendly gesture. Right. I almost forgot how anti-social he is.

I pull back and stand there looking into his deep blue eyes. "Ryu, I'm so glad to see you! I have no idea what's going on! Boy, have I missed you, though!"

I study his face, searching for any signs of emotion. However, it remains apathetic, probably hiding whatever he feels. Maybe he wants me to figure it out, like it's obvious.

"What? Are you upset or something? Did I say something that hurt you?"

He drags his eyes away from mine and looks off to the side. Great. So now he's ignoring me. I'm sure I can see a hint of something on his face now, but what? I can't jump to conclusions while he's looking to the side like that.

"Ryuuzaki", I say, my hope sliding a little, "do you recognise me? Do you know who I am?"

Quick like lightning, his head whips round and I can finally see some clear emotion. Anger and rancid, rotten hurt.

I'm a taken back.

"Do I know who you are? You are_ Kira_". He barely spits the name out, twisted with such appalled disgust.

"Kira?" I ask, momentarily confused.

"Yes, Kira. The one who thought he was 'justice' by killing hundreds, no, thousands of people!"

A fire starts. It burns within me, its angry raging flames licking at my heart. My eyes widen to a bulge as the memories come flooding. It's like I'm in a nightmare; one I can't escape. There's a sound, a loud intense howl. Then I realise it's my own frightened scream.

I drop to my knees and lower my head. Tears trickle down my cheeks, leaving a scorching hot trail. The fire continues to surge.

"No", I say weakly, "I . . . I can't be, I . . . I'm Light Yagami . . . I can't, I . . . no . . ."

Ryuuzaki kneels down beside me in his owl-like hunch. "Yes, Light-kun. You are Kira"

I look up at him. Ryuuzaki my best and only friend, who was also my arch nemesis. And I, as Kira, unwillingly yet admitting, killed him.

This can only mean one thing.

I am dead.

Uncontrollably, I start wailing. I can't help it. I'm too filled with regret and anguish. My cheeks burn as waterfalls flow down them. "Ryuuzaki. L. I'm so sorry. No words or actions can tell you just how much. I don't think I was fully aware of what a monster I've become. I can't believe it. I didn't want this. I didn't want any of this. I've ruined everything. Ryu, I'm so, so sorry!"

My voice is a gargling mess. But I don't care, I needed to say it. Because I don't want to be Kira. I don't want to disappoint Ryu. I just want to be Light Yagami, Ryu's friend.

As if he read my mind, Ryuuzaki sighs. "Light, I forgive you. They say absolute power corrupts absolutely. Although I would've killed you, if I were still alive, for what you've done, someone seems to have beaten me to it. So let's put it behind us".

I smile at him slightly, hope flickering. But it soon fades, and my smile disappears. I stop crying and sniff. "But I can't. Thank you so much for . . . accepting my apology. But I can't put it behind me. Because I'm not going to be here for much longer".

Ryuuzaki sticks a thumb into his mouth and looks puzzled. "I don't understand Light-kun. Your dead, aren't you?"

"Yeah. At least, I think so. But can't you remember what the death note said?"

Ryuuzaki shakes his head. I sigh.

"Anyone who writes a name in this book will go to neither heaven nor hell. I'm guessing your place is heaven. I don't know what my place is . . ."

I look to the ground again. An eerie silence fills the air. I try to think of something more to say, but my brain is blank. It seems that Ryuuzaki's is the same. "What are we gonna do, Light-kun?"

"I don't know. Say our goodbyes, I guess."

Ryuuzaki frowns. "No. That is not the Light I know. What happened to the determined Light?"

"You mean the monster Kira who was so determined on making the perfect world he ended up killing his own friend?"

Ryuuzaki rocks back and looks at me, unblinking. "Yes. That is precisely what I mean"

I bit my lip and try not to scream. How can he honestly think that?

"Ryu, I don't think I'll ever be like that ever again. Not with what I did, what I put you and everyone else through"

Ryu sighs and gives me an understanding look. "It's ok, Light. We'll think of something"

I tut and let out a groan. My heart is a sunken ship in the cold Atlantic Ocean. Now is my chance to do the right thing.

"Ryuuzaki, let's face it. Even if I were to go to heaven or hell, I think it's safe to say id be going down underground. Its hopeless there's nothing we can do. So, I'm going to say a sincere goodbye. Thanks for everything. I really am sorry for everything. If it's possible I'd like to ask you for one last favour"

"What is that, Light-kun?"

I feel uneasy and awkward. This is a touchy subject.

"When you end up . . . wherever you end up, if you see my Dad, and everyone else, could you tell them how sorry I am?"


End file.
